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How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.