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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!