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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”