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The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
For Christmas I just want summer...
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.