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Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....