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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Will be drunk until further notice.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.