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Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
What about a To-Don`t List?
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.