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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.