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Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.