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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.