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Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
it`s friday o clock
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.