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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.