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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.