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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.