Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.