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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.