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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before