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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
I`m perfect you adjust.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.