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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.