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Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face