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It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.