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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Hell hath no fury like me when Iām slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!