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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?