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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.