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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, Iām picking your pockets.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.