Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park