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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.