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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke