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Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium