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My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.