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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.