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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!