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I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.