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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)