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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.