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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
It´s never to late to be happy
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.