Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.