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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!