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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.