Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.