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Before the internet I used to like people.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.