Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…