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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
lol I rotfl
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.