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As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.