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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.