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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.