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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!