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There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"