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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?