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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.