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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!