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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.