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One trenta cheeseburger please.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Own the day
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.