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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Marriage tip: Don`t
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.