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Today one of my colleague told...... Buddy let get into serious studies... exams are on our heads.... And then both of us continued to chat with other people on fb for hours
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.