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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!