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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.