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Which wine goes best with more wine?
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.