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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake