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I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about