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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.