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Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
TEIAM - problem solved
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.