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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.