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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
My anger management class pisses me off
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.