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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.