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Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
No pants are the best pants.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Relationship Status: eating
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
You had me at 0 mutual friends
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.