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Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.