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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.