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Does the Food Network deliver?
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.