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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.