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Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married