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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.