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I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Is there another word for synonym?
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.