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Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.