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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?