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Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.