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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?