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Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut