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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.