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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."