Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.